Monday, 4/4/05
Monday 4 April 2005 @ 11:56 am

- Because there are no dogs, I wake up at the Hilton Airport at O’Hare around ten o’clock. Ah, sweet no-dog sleep.

- Rockin’ the morning wood, and I’ve got a few minutes, so I tug one out to pics of Jen and head to the shower.

- As I dry, I take a peek at the board to gauge reaction to this weekend’s Q&A’s. I get dressed and walk to the airport.

- At the gate, I’m told that I’m not on the 11:30, but on the 12:40 instead. I head to the other gate where I’m told I was, indeed, on the 11:30, but it’s now locked out, and I’m currently on standby for the 12:40, but they can put me on the 3:00. I stare, dead-eyed, at the attendant and opt for the 3:00pm to LAX.

- Rather than bitch and moan, I head for the Admiral’s Club lounge and, with over three hours to kill, order up a beer. Then another. Then another.

- By two o’clock, I’ve got a good buzz going on. I’m checking the board, checking email, walking the L.A.-based Jenny through iTunes and iChat as I dirty talk her from my booth in the Admiral’s Club. Even though I’ve snapped one off this a.m., I’m more than ready to be ravished by her when I get home. I contemplate getting flat-out sloppy drunk on the plane during the four hour flight home, but decide, instead, to sleep the time away. In an effort to aid this, I order my fourth and final Michelob Ultra.

- My brother Don rolls into the Admiral’s Club and we talk about the gig the night before, as well as the friend of the poster in the Midwest Q&A thread who called me a jerk for not signing after the show. He drops me off at my gate before heading to his gate for his Orlando departure.

- Prior to takeoff, I read some “Boondocks” until I fall asleep. I wake up during the food service to find that the two options for dinner are now one: all the chicken strips are gone, so all they have left is pizza. I pass on the pizza and crack open the laptop, plug in to the seat, and watch “My Own Private Idaho” for the first time in about a decade (it still holds up). Following that, I get through about half a doc called “The Secret Lives of Adult Stars” before it’s time to land.

- Jen’s stuck in traffic, so I’m waiting at the arrivals level for a half hour. During that time, I talk to Mos on the cell, and he informs me that we’ve started getting some cashflow on “Clerks 2.” Jen shows up and we head back to the house.

- I hit the bathroom, and then we hit the bedroom. After a quickie, we head upstairs for family dinner with Byron, Gail, and Harley. Quinnster’s feverish – so much so that they sent her home from school today. She barely touches her food, so Jen sends me to the Ralph’s for a thermometer, Pedialyte stuff (popsicles and fever reducer) and ice cream for the Sicko Chicko.

- I get home, hand out the goods, and dig into some low carb ice cream in the kitchen. Jen appears and after we make out a little, she whips up a pair of strawberry milkshakes for Harley. I give the dogs some Milkbones and head down to the room.

- I throw on the loungin’ wear and catch up with Sunday night’s “Simpsons” and “Arrested Development.” Jen brings Harley up to our couch where she’ll be planted for the night. Harley shows me her third loose tooth and I kiss her g’night. As she falls asleep, I’m in the bed, updating my diary-thing, while Jen’s upstairs smoking and watching TV.

- Jen joins me in bed and I close up the laptop for the night, as we nestle ourselves in the sweet-yet-just embrace of Jack McCoy and “Law & Order”, during which we fall asleep.