On Friday, over at my MySpace page, I ran a contest, the prize of which was a signed, well-worn, aromatically-seasoned pair of my old Vans…

The contest was simple: come up with a subtitle for “Clerks II”.

The jist: create a subtitle for “Clerks II”, along the lines of “South Park: Bigger, Longer, Uncut”, or “Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo” (neither of which were eligible). Considering the fast food setting, I was looking for something like “Clerks II: Hold the Pickle” (also not eligible, since I already came up with it). The best double-entendre or most creative subtitle was to win the stinky sneakers, signed and personalized.

The contest ran for 24 hours, so by the end of page 21 of 27 pages worth of entries, we had all the eligible contestants. There were some great ones, yes; but most surprising is how many people apparently think alike. By the end of the list, however, I was pretty convinced the name of the flick should remain simply “Clerks II”.

But that’s not to say there weren’t some clever-ass fuckers dropping suggestions.

Honorable Mentions went to…

John for his naughty suggestion of
“Clerks II: Slapping the Meat in the Buns”

Gonz for his even naughtier
“Clerks II: We Touch Your Meat”

Milke for his ingenious wordplay of
“Clerks II: Eclectic Burger Crew”

Gav for his sexily suggestive
“Clerks II: Meat in the Mouth, Not in the Hand”

Hunter for taking it old school with
“Clerks 2: All Holes Filled With Hard Clerks”

The Jer for his McDonald’s-inspired
“Clerks II: I’m Loathin’ It”

Adam for the pretty funny
“Clerks II: Too Thick to Suck”

Mike for the simple fucking brilliance of
“Clerks II: Fuck You!!”

Owen for the alliterative
“Clerks II: Contempt and Condiments”

zombieplatypus for the very cute
“Clerks II: Hapless Meal”

2 Cows Fighting for a personal fave
“Clerks II: Toss the Salad”

Ashley for the Pierce Brosnan call-back (and oddly on-point)
“Clerks II: Dante’s Peak”

Jennifer for the “Snakes on a Plane” riff of
“Clerks II: Clerks in a Restaurant”

Josh for the literary
“Clerks II: Purgatorio”

Jason for the Matty Damon referenced
“Clerks II: The Bored Supremacy”

Jennifer for taking me back to high school with
“Clerks II: Hot Beef Injection”

CJ for the true double-entendre of
“Clerks II: Eating Out”

ElvX for remembering his film history with both
“Clerks II: The Phantom Lettuce” and “Clerks II: The Frying Game”

One, Two, Three and to the George for the porn title
“Clerks II: Hot Beef, Warm Buns, Special Sauce”

Kelvin for the ever-fun
“Clerks II: Fry Harder”

Rodger for his pimp-daddy suggestion
“Clerks II: You Got Served”

And a pair that were on the same page: Gonz and Ward for the good and slightly improved subtitles of
“Clerks II: Back for Sloppy Seconds” and “Clerks II: Sloppy Seconds” respectively.

But the grand prize winner – the dude who walked with the stinky-ass pair of sneakers, signed and personalized – was Joe for his timely (and pretty film-appropriate) suggestion of
“Clerks II: Counter Terrorism”

Honorable Mention winners didn’t walk empty-handed either: they’re getting a “Clerks II” can cooler in the mail!

(Steven Seagal’s Lightning Bolt drink not included.)

Good times, good times.