Friday 25 April 2014 @ 9:32 am

15 YEARS AGO TODAY, Jennifer Schwalbach and I took the worst wedding photo ever at Skywalker Ranch in Marin County, California.

We were in the midst of the DOGMA mix, staying on the property. I had come home from the sound stage and an already way-pregnant Jenny said “It’s so beautiful up here. If we ever get married, we should do it at Skywalker.”

Two days later, we were standing in front of a Dutch Catholic monk who loved THE MATRIX (and hated DOGMA when he finally watched it). Scott Mosier was my best man, and I remember having the last conversation I’d ever have with anybody as a single guy, during which we tried to figure out if I was sure I wanted to ruin Jen’s life. And I said “I’m sure it’ll be just like dating-plus, right?”

Less than an hour later, I met Jenny at the fireplace in the big house that would serve as our makeshift altar. Jen was gorgeous, not to mention barefoot and pregnant as fuck. As we stood across from one another, listening to the monk talk about how marriage is so real, it requires a court of law to dissolve it, I take a good, long look at this woman I barely know… maybe for the first time, really. And I’m floored. Here’s this stunning creature, filled with my kid-to-be, and she’s marrying ME – the biggest fucking loser I ever met.

And I was overwhelmed by the thought that this was far beyond “dating-plus”: this was/is the person you’ve always dreamed about since you first comprehended that your parents weren’t just Mom & Dad, but also Husband & Wife. From the first moment as a toddler that I ever thought “I hope I get married like my parents did one day…”, I never knew who that person would be. Now I did.

So even though we’d clearly been intimate at least once prior, true intimacy was born that day when I processed what was happening 15 years ago at Skywalker Ranch: I met my wife for the first time. And Christ, did I fall in love HARD (good thing, too – as it was our wedding day).

After the ceremony, we drove down the hill and had our reception at an IHOP. 15 years later, I’m so moved by the fact that this woman loved me so much (and still does) that she married me in these clothes and sealed the deal with a plate of Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity and a side of Chocolate Chip pancakes. And with that, the adventure began pretty much like all my adventures begin: eating comfort food and wondering how the fuck I got so lucky.

Happy Anniversary, Jenny! Thank you for lowering your standards forever 15 years ago today. In the words of the prophet Olivia Newton John… I love you. I honestly love you.