Archive for June 4th, 2007

WE WON! (Or How I Wound Up an Unintentional Whore for Orbit)
Monday June 4 2007 @ 3:39 pm

Thanks to all of your voting, Mewes and I won the Dirtiest Mouth Moment Award. Which was cool.

Then, it turned out to be, esentially, an Orbit commercial. Which wasn’t as cool.

But I got a Popcorn Bucket. Which was cool.

But it’s not gold like everyone else’s. Which wasn’t as cool.

But that means it’s more rare. Which is cool.

But they made us pre-tape our acceptance the day before, and gave us only ten seconds for thank yous. Which wasn’t as cool.

But then we were asked to attend the show the next day regardless. Which was cool.

But then we were asked to attend the show the next day, regardless. Which wasn’t as cool.

Life is never a win/win scenario, I guess.

When it was first revealed to us that the Dirtiest Mouth Moment was, basically, a commercial spot for Orbit, I started to question the integrity of the award. Then I remembered it was the Mtv Movie Awards, and they had a category called Best Movie You Haven’t Seen Yet. And with that, I realized I didn’t need to sweat it. A joke award is a joke award.

I take small comfort in knowing I wasn’t the only whore there. Don’t know what the whole show looked like to the home viewing audience, but sitting there, in the Gibson Auditorium? Watching presenter after presenter drag ass onto the stage to suckle at the teen demo teat and dutifully hype their upcoming summer flick? It looked like a big ol’ nest of whores.

But scrape away all the corporate jizz, trademarked bullshit, and industry-cornholing, and I can still find a silver lining: you guys cared enough to vote for me and the boy (multiple times, even). And that’s very cool. So I’d like to take the time here (the time they didn’t give us during the “commercial”) to thank you all, from the bottom of my heart. Even though it’s a dopey award, I appreciate your effort and enthusiasm. Awards are nice (even this award), but it’s you folks – the audience who supports our stuff – that make me dick-sneeze in my Y-fronts, without even touching myself or rubbing my erection up against something like a mattress or the shower wall. It may be a tired cliche’ that’s lost much of its original depth and meaning based on constant overuse, but You Guys Rock.

And to show my appreciation, I offer you this…

SModcast 14: On Guard For Thee

In which our heroes cross the border with a guest from the True North, analyze the “Loose Change” of UFOs, posit that even unidentified species worship the Devils, lament the loss of Bigfoot, question Nessie’s diet, theorize how the Republicans can take the White House for the next one hundred terms, and reveal Canada’s greatest shame.

Stop reading this and download that shit right now, then come back and let me know what you think.

Brought to you by the good folks at…

(Also available through an iTunes Subscription.)