I’d rather spend the night in the Four Seasons

I love this picture. It represents the realization of Warhol’s “In the future, everyone will be famous for 15 minutes” prediction. I mean, even though she comes from wealth, this woman’s celebrity is based on stuff like “accidentally” showing off her gash, or having sex on camera.

There’s an entire industry full of the distaff who do the exact same thing on a daily basis, and aside from the biggest of them (like a Jenna Jameson), their names aren’t nearly as well-known as this vapid dork’s. And really – what has she done that’s any different than what Raquel Darrian or Tori Welles have been doing for years (and done more convincingly)?

This is the new pornography: naked famous people. And this isn’t just Sharon Stone airing-out her labia in an interrogation room; it’s a movement that’s based on watching famous people fuck. People like Colin Farrell. People like Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee. But at least those cats did something else for a living before their nookie went public; this chick never did anything beyond being born into wealth with a surname that used to mean something. Then, she had sex and sucked a little dick (well, a little big dick, really) on camera, and suddenly, she became something of a household name.

Warhol was right, man. If you can get world-renowned for doing something anyone can do, the bar has been dropped substantially. Hell, the bar doesn’t even exist anymore.

So based on that, I say let’s make any and all of these people famous…

Naked ladies and dudes

I mean, really? What’s the difference? At least these folks can probably use the cash that comes with fame.

Let’s give it up for the random chick with the grossly oversized labia; at least her shit’s a little different than most. Or the guy with the thick-as-a-Coke-can cock; he stands apart. Or the lady (or man) who can stuff two dicks in one hole; they’re going where even angels fear to tread. But giving it up for a mannequin who plays peek-a-boo on the red carpet and offers only a lackadaisical fucking on night-vision video? That’s like celebrating the person who walks in the NY Marathon when everyone else is running: sure, they’re in the race; but everyone else is doing such a better job than they are.

Championing mediocrity has replaced baseball as the national pastime.

And thank God, I say – otherwise I might not have a career.