Who Wants to Play Some Cards?
Friday 21 September 2007 @ 12:40 pm


I wake up, throw on some clothes, and take Harley to school. When I get home, I throw on my oldest, rattiest pair of wooby shorts and watch some season three of “The Office” with Jen, during which I fall asleep again.

Get up around 2-ish, shower, and head back to Harley’s school for a parent/teacher conference. It’s nothing scandalous – just a general “Hi, I’m your kid’s new teacher” kinda thing; but while Jen’s attentive and present, I’m preoccupied with how the room’s appointed and decorated.

Third grade is the year of the Big Kid Desk. No longer do the students sit at group tables; this year, they each get their own work station, complete with in-desk cubby for storage of books, pencils, character eraser tops, etc. I spend most of the half hour trying to remember my first, real school desk and what it meant to have scholastic real estate; a room (of sorts) of one’s own at the now-defunct Our Lady of Perpetual Help (OLPH to most – an abbreviation that the public school kids insisted stood for Old Ladies’ Piss House). Sadly, my trip down school desks memeory lane only goes as far back as high school – where desks became impersonal and transitory, and lockers took on the role of home away from home instead.

The meeting ends, and Harley’s still in afterschool tennis, so I make a Pink Berry run with Jen to kill the time. The treat’s no temptation for me, because I like my frozen yogurt to taste like Carvel soft serve, not trendy and green tea-ish. When she’s done, we drive back to the school, pick up the kid, and head home.

I do an interview with the Cornell Sun to pimp my Saturday Q&A there, check email, and put Harley to bed. Jen and I watch “The Postman Always Rings Twice” then fall asleep to “The Office.”


I wake up and take Harley to school, then head home and start second draft of “Zack and Miri Make a Porno.” I put the script aside to take a trip to the Valley, where Nicole finds some off “All About Steve” to cut my hair. We bullshit for awhile, then I rush home to shower and get down to the Stash for an E! Daily Ten interview to promote both the new book and “Reaper.” Afterwards, I sign some Stash merch and then drive an hour in traffic to the diet clinic where I learn, much to my chagrin, that I’ve only lost two more pounds.

Dejected, I head back to the house for a meeting with Liz, Dawn, and Joe (or is it Jeff?) about tomorrow’s Fox pitch. Liz has an idea for sitcom that I’d produce and direct the pilot for (kinda like what I did on “Reaper”). The meeting is really just an excuse to finally meet in person before we head into the belly of the beast together, tomorrow morning.

Scott arrives mid-meeting, and when those cats bolt, Mos and I record a pair of SModcasts. When he leaves, I head down to the bedroom and talk to Jen about some issues Harley’s having (and has been having since Kindergarten) with a girl in her class. I go to Harley’s room to discuss the same issue with her, and try to impart that there are always gonna be some personalities that simply clash; that some folks, for whatever reason, just can’t get along. Jen heads upstairs to get ready for her dinner out, and Harley and I get into a discussion about teeth, which sends me to Wikipedia to break down the difference between canines, incisors and molars for the kid. After that, Harley goes to sleep.

Jen heads out to dinner with Chay and Jim, and I stay home and do the IGN phoner I missed earlier that day. After that, I check email and get into some “Lego Star Wars Trilogy” on the DS. Jen gets home and we go to sleep to “The Office.”


I wake up, take Harley to school, come home, shower, then ride over to the Fox lot with Jim. We meet up with Liz, Dawn and Co. then head in to pitch Liz’s show. It winds up going very well, and Fox picks it up to go to the next stage (a script), with an eye toward shooting it pre-January if they dig the script.

Afterwards, I drop Liz off at her hotel, and Jim and I head back to the house. I take a quick shit, kiss the wife, then race over to NPR for an interview with Ray Wise on “Fresh Air.”. We talk “Reaper” and the new book for an hour, then I shoot over to the View Askew office, where I get on the phone for a college roundtable phoner. When that’s done, I watch some of the “Evening with Kevin Smith 3″ edit with Zak.. Then, another phoner: this time with the Associated Press. After that, I watch some more of Zak’s edit while texting with Jen, and head back to the house.

The Fox pitch was very last minute, so it’s kind of pooched my plans to head to Florida to see my Mom and Brother (and sign a ton of merch), so I spend the next few hours talking to Don, rearranging the schedule, and making new flight arrangements. Once that’s all done, Jen and I dig into more of season three of “The Office” ’til we fall asleep.


I wake up to discover Jen’s already left to take Harley to school. I call my Mom to see how her doctor’s visit went and talk to her for an hour. When I’m done, I chill with Jen on her couch, bullshitting and flirting, then we hit the bed to cuddle for awhile.

Bryan drops in to pack up the SModcast equipment for the Jersey trip. When he leaves, I high-tail it back to the bedroom, where Jen and I take advantage of the empty house to fuck like rabbits.

We throw on some clothes, and I drive Jen to the M Cafe to grab food, then hit Virgin, where I wind up dropping $600 on this week’s new DVDs. We go home, and I call in to the Hollywood Babble-On show with Marty Keegan to bullshit for an hour.

I pick the “Wall Street – 20th Anniversary Edition” from the new DVD pile and pop it in to watch while I check email. We don’t get through the whole flick before Jen and I have to leave to pick up Harley from school.

When we get home, I check more email, and rock some iChat. Jarod tells me the story of a phat pot he took down on BoDog, and suddenly, I’ve got the fever again. I ask him for a Full Tilt reload, then do a phoner for the “Not My Job” portion of the “Wait, Wait… Don’t Tell Me” show on NPR (it’s been an NPR kinda week for me).

I go downstairs to help Harley with her homework, then play a few rounds of “Guess Who?” with the kid, before Jen returns to give her a bath – at which time I climb back upstairs to play some Full Tilt. Half an hour later, I head back downstairs to put Harley to bed. All that stair-climbing is the most exercise I’ve had all week.

Jen and I finish watching “Wall Street” (during which, I rock some more Full Tilt), so we pop in “Saturday Night Fever.” I’m a quarter of the way into the flick when I realize I’ve never seen the original, R rated version of this movie; only the PG re-cut they released back in the 70′s. Jen falls asleep, and I play some more poker ’til the flick ends, then pop in some “Everybody Loves Raymond” to go to sleep to.

Some Upcoming Shit and Whatnot

- Saturday night, if you’re in the Ithaca area, come hang out at my Cornell Q&A. The show starts at seven, and some tickets are still available right here, at the website. This’ll be the first time I’ve been back to Cornell since we shot the first “An Evening with Kevin Smith” there, so it should be a fun show.

- Remember that Jay and Silent Bob’s Secret Stash West book signing we were gonna have as the store’s swan-song on Monday, October 1st at 5pm? Well because I got so many people bitching about the signing being on a Monday night, we’ve changed the event to SATURDAY, OCTOBER 6th, starting at noon.

So clear your Saturday and cruise on down to the Westwood Stash to peep the place out one more time (or for the first time) before we shutter that bitch permanently.

Also, if you’re into Hold ‘Em, we’ll be hosting a poker tournament at the Stash right after the signing ends. If you’re interested in rolling some cards with me and Mewes and trying to take our money (which was probably once your money), email your inquiries to donkey@viewaskew.com. It ain’t cheap, so be prepared.

- Hey, Torontonians! Wanna get some shit signed? I’ll be doing just that at the Indigo Book Store on Bay Street, Thursday September 27th at 7pm. Come on by; I think I’m doing a little in-store Q&A beforehand.

- Looking ahead, if you’re in the UK, and you want me to sign some shit, you’re in luck: I’m gonna be doing a book signing at the Forbidden Planet Mega Store in London on October 16th at 5pm.

That’s enough whoring for now.


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