Tuesday, 4/19/05
Tuesday 19 April 2005 @ 11:29 pm

- I wake up at 9:30 and find Jen upstairs in the living room. As I tell her about my Ultimate Bet misdeeds of the night before, Gail joins us and we go over this week’s schedule, as well as what the initial Vancouver “Catch” plans are. We do this for a half hour before Jen decides it’s time to eat. We head downstairs and run into a sleep-eyed Mewes, who fills me in on his previous night’s adventure (which includes him hiding behind a stove; don’t ask) while I play a little UB. As Mewes retells his tale to Jen, I double-up on my chips, sign off, and get dressed.

- We head to the Griddle for breakfast and run into Lynch, Matt, and Bryan Strang. After we order, Jen spots Joe Reitman entering with who I gather pretty quickly is Annie Duke. I head over to their table to say hi and thank her for the chip loan. I’m delighted with how utterly charming, personable and interesting she is, as this is the first time I’m talking to Annie in person (even though we did play together in that “Clerks X”/”Jersey Girl”/”Rounders” dvd-release promotional party at The Palms back in September). Joe and I do a post-mortem on his and Shannon Elizabeth’s breakup before Mewes joins us with my food that’s getting cold. Mewes jumps into their booth as well, and I slide back to mine, where Jen and the boys are chit-chatting. Since Mewes owes me some cash and has his checkbook on him, I have him write a check for Annie for the chips she loaned me before Mewes has to head off for his last day on “Bottoms Up.” Joe and Annie join us at our table, and we all sit around talking for an hour and change more (including the idea to make a View Askew skin for Ultimate Bet which we’d link up from our site) before heading our separate ways. It’s the longest Griddle meal I’ve had since that five hour breakfast I had with Dave Mandel at the Griddle a few months back.

- I get hom, play some Ultimate Bet for a bit, then say goodbye to Jen as she heads off to pick up Harley from school. Following that, I take a shower, shave, get dressed, and head over the hill to Burbank.

- I get to the NBC lot, go through security, and get to the “Tonight Show.” I’m in my guest room about a minute before Leno drops by (he chit-chats with all the guests before the show). I ask him about what he’ll do at the end of the four years – like if he’ll just do more stand-up. He reminds me that 150 nights out of the year (three nights a week), he’s doing stand-up somewhere other than the show. The dude’s work ethic is insane. Kristin Powers from Talk/Miramax Books comes by as Jay’s leaving, as does Dave Berg, the segment producer. We go over the stuff I’m gonna be talking about until Andy McElfresh (my “Roadside Attractions” partner-in-crime) shows up. Andy and I catch up as the show begins, and then he’s off, back to an editing suite to finish his piece for tomorrow night’s show.

- I watch the show in my guest room and am floored by how fucking boring and what a terrible interview the “O.C.” chick is. I’ve now been a couch guest five or six times on “Tonight”, always as the second interview, and have figured out that there’s this delicate balance you want in the guest who comes before you: you want them to be good, but not great. You want them to warm the audience up, so that when you get out there, you’re not facing a sleepy crowd. At the same time, you don’t want the first guest to kill – otherwise you’re gonna have a tough time impressing the audience. The “O.C.” chick offers nothing. It’s dead quiet out there – which makes my job harder, because I’ve gotta be even funnier than I planned on being and win the crowd within the first thirty seconds or risk tanking harder than the chick who just said she was lucky enough to be in Rome when the Pope died.

- I’m sweating profusely (natch), so I get a litttle powder in the makeup room and trim my beard a touch. I get wired up and after the Human Ambien’s segment is over, I head backstage to go on, post-commercials.

- I do my segment.

- Post-show, I talk to Rob Thomas for a few seconds, say goodbye to Jay. Debbie Vickers (the producer of the show and a chick I really dig) tells me I killed, and Dave Berg thanks me for a great segment. I head back to my dressing room where I talk with a guy who pops in to tell me he used to be an accountant on the “Clerks” cartoon, and how ABC fucked it up. Then Andy comes by the give me the thumbs up on the segment, as does Kristin and John Melendez (aka Stuttering John). John and I bullshit for awhile about Howard and the Sirius move, as well as other non-Howard related stuff. Forty five minutes later, it’s just me and Kristin, and we go over stuff we wanna do for the book (I opt against taking out magazine ads, as it’s a waste of money, and agree to do an interview on Air America if they can get me in), including a celebratory “We Sold Out the First Printing” signing party we’re thinking of doing at the Stash before I head off to “Catch.” I drop Kristin off at the front door of the studio where her car’s waiting, and I head home.

- I get into my woobs and sack out behind the computer for a little email checking and UB. Soon, it’s dinner time, and I head upstairs for a Byron-grilled cheeseburger while everyone else is doing tacos. We talk about the Vancouver move as well as Harley’s day and what she wants to do in British Columbia. It’s about then that I realize I still don’t have directions to the “Bottom’s Up” set tonight, where I’m supposed to be in an hour, so I head downstairs to call Mewes and play some more UB.

- I collect a bunch of wardrobe possibilities (pj’s and a robe), kiss Jen, and head off to the Valley for the “Bottom’s Up” shoot.

- Find the lot where they’re shooting, pull in, and head to the trailer I share with Mewes for this, the last night of shooting. I whip out the wardrobe I brought for approval, go over last minute script changes with the writer, meet the producers, get hair and makeup done, and head to the set.

- I share the scene with Mewes, an actor named Desmond Harrington, and two girls. The production’s pressed for time, so the number of takes we do are limited. All goes well, and the night (and film) wraps around one in the morning.

- I get home and play a little UB before crashing.

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