A Peek Into My Boring-Ass Life
Monday 5 September 2005 @ 1:33 am

Ever since I started “My Boring-Ass Life”, I’ve gotten a lot of requests for a complete layout of my house. Naturally, for many reasons, this is kinda out of the question. However, from time to time, I figure it’d be nice to share little pieces of where I live, by way of some badly-framed photos.

So without further ado…

This is my closet. It’s pretty much full of shooters and black, long sleeve shirts. If you look closely, at the back of the first section, you can see the sleeve of the Silent Bob coat, and a hint of the now-retired sleeveless sweatshirt that I wore for three years straight (featured on the cover of “An Evening with Kevin Smith”).

We have a pair of what Jen calls “Family Walls” in the house – walls which sport pics and various framed detritus that say something about Clan Smith/Schwalbach/Stanley. This is the Family Wall between the second and third landing, heading up to the pool deck.

This is the gym, which goes unused for months at a time (though currently, it’s getting a workout). Once upon a time, it started out as the library. However, the books we keep in our bedroom. This is a DVD library, fully alphabatized. Not pictured is one more full section of shelves full of the T through Z titles. I thank you guys for buying all the crap we sell and seeing the movies we make, as you’ve all, essentially, paid for these. You would think it would entitle you to borrow them, but fuck that; I’ve lost too many DVD’s lending them out to Mewes alone.

This is where Scully can usually be found, when not tearing apart our garbage cans: in her bed, in our room. Behind her, you can catch a hint of Jen’s beloved couch.

This is the hallway outside our bedroom. The two pieces of artwork are by Gottfried Helnwein – the artist who did the massive Harley Painting you might’ve seen at NewsAskew.com a few months back.

This is my bedroom office, where I usually check email and the board, and update “My Boring-Ass Life”. Lately, I’ve been playing a lot of Plug-and-Play TV Games’ EA Sports NHL ’95 on that little-ass TV. The room’s always something of a mess, and an ongoing project.

This is the living room, where we have parties and play poker. The Poetry Event we held back in April was hosted in this room as well. There’s a projection system that drops down out of the ceiling, and a large screen that unfurls over the TV. The pool table was bought for Mosier’s birthday party back in ’02. Aside from playing poker here, I’m rarely in this room.

A view from the other side of the living room. That sweet-ass “Jay and Silent Bob Strike BlackJack” table was designed by me and Ming, and built by Vince “Kisses & Caroms” Rocca, a semi-regular on the board. Sadly, it came at the tail-end of the BlackJack craze in our house, when Poker was starting to take over, so it rarely gets the use it deserves. Next project: a themed Hold ‘Em table.

This is the wall behind the bar. As you can see, between the 200 year old map and the framed article I wrote about Walt and I hunting for comics, Jersey is well-represented. I keep meaning to swap out that “Dogma” artwork with something else, though – something more Jersey-centric.

These are two of the house chips. Other denominations feature animated versions of Dante, Randal, and Missy. On the side of each cheap is inscribed “Casino Askew – Est. Dec. 31, 2003″.

Last summer, I spent a week out in Vegas, staying at the Hard Rock, writing “Clerks 2″ during the day and playing BlackJack at night. Jen joined me a day or two before my 34th birthday and threw together a surprise party in the way of a re-marriage ceremony, with a slew of folks flying in for the event. This was the bride and groom, circa ’04.

Harley, ready for shipping (available at Jay and Silent Bob’s Secret Stash.).

Variety ran a View Askew at Ten Years issue in ’04, and this was an ad I took out for Mos.

Here’s me, Lee, and Mewes, circa ’97, outside the OG Secret Stash – the first location on Monmouth Street, in Red Bank.

Chay, at Jon and Catherine’s Wedding party, wearing the infamous boobie dress.

Rack ‘em.

This was Christmas morning at our house, last year. We had thirteen people staying here, and served twenty five for dinner.

The first-ever View Askew booth at the ’97 San Diego ComiCon, manned by Brian Quinn. T’was the start of nearly a decade of merch whoredom at comic book conventions around the country.

Jen and Alex (aka, Cookie), Mos’ lady.

The new merch rack, courtesy of Ernie “Rick Derris” O’Donnell, at Jay and Silent Bob’s Secret Stash, Red Bank.

Chris Bailey’s model of Silent Bob for the new VA production logo…

And a frame from said logo.

Last year, before “The Incredibles” opened, Lee and I hosted a screening of the flick at the Pacific Design Center. This was the IncrediVite.

A “Jersey Girl” poster hanging in Russia.

Y’all know what the “Evening With Kevin Smith” DVD cover looks like…

Here was an alternative cover choice…

And another…

Here’s my Dad, the day Harley was born. Miss him.

Jen and Gail, her Mom. How someone so small pushes out a kid that grows up to be that tall is beyond me.

One of my favorite pics of Byron, or “Poppy”, as he’s known around these parts (mostly by Harley).

Lee in the kitchen of the Broad Street apartment in Red Bank, circa ’97. Such a million dollar smile.

What my desktop looks like.

Back when I was gonna direct “Green Hornet”, I was trying to recruit Joe Quesada to co-direct with me. Here are three pages of storyboards Joe drew for the opening of the flick.

My kid, under water.

The wristband that was given out at the Vancouver Q&A.

My Mom, Brother Don, and Harley at the Polynesian Village in Disney World in Florida. When Bryan decided to move to L.A., the online Secret Stash fulfillment center moved from Red Bank down to Orlando, so Don and Jerry (Don’s husband) could run it. I dig my Brother; he’s a great audience and a great friend.

If he’d only known what life had in store for him…

A VHS copy of “Chasing Amy” in Japan.

Japanese “Dogma” VHS.

A Kevin Smith section in a Japanese video store.

The Stash West ad we ran in L.A. Weekly last year, for Christmas.

Walt Flanagan and Walt Flanagan’s Dog.


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