Archive for September 24th, 2011

Saturday September 24 2011 @ 12:30 pm

Via @bearokopoulos “Read the Nikki Finke ‘article’. Apparently she has to latch onto your coattails to drive traffic to her site – pathetic.”

Ugh. That shut-in, cat-lady blogger…

Nikki Finke fancies herself the Boogeyman of the movie biz, scaring all the suits by cat-calling “Toldja!” from the sidelines, never risking anything in the game herself. She’s like a geriatric Heather Chandler that you don’t want as a friend or a fuck, to quote the lady herself (the fake Heather, not the real Nikki). And yet as loathsome as I find Nikki and her ridiculous self-importance (and that’s saying a lot coming from Mr. Self Importance himself), I sometimes feel sorry for her: she’s been alone so long now, and when you don’t have love in your life, I guess the world always seem ugly and petty.

In any event, Alex Godfrey wrote a really nice piece about me and Red State in the Guardian Guide. At the top of the piece, Alex asks me about the Harvey Weinstein story from Sundance that I’d shared with Crave journo Fred Topel and about twenty other journalists while at ComicCon. Since Alex asked, I retold the story – bringing the grand total for the number of times I’d told that story to two occasions.

So Finke Tweeted this…

I was told to stop telling that Harvey story by someone who has nothing to do with anything. Can you imagine? This woman and her site – with no real connection to filmmaking other than her breathless, nonsensical attacks on windmills and enemies unseen – told me to stop telling a story. Crazy, right? So I Tweeted the following…

Then, I started answering questions…

I’ve never met her so I can’t speak to who Niki Finke really is, but she has been described to me by people who’ve had to interact with her as “touchy”, “fragile”, and “senile”. Mercifully, I’ve only ever had to interact with her online persona: five years ago, she took a swing at me for including Myspace names in the credits of Clerks II.

You can read all about it here.

Can you imagine? It’s like the unloved, childless, cat-lady Grinch who looks at life through tightly drawn curtains barking at the kids a few yards over for having some frivolous, dopey fun – in this case, a get-your-name-in-the-movie-credits promotion that made lots of people happy, with the exception of this crank. After that, she took another shot at me about the Clerks II, grosses, insisting our $5 million dollar flick somehow lost money.

I had to write a second, longwinded blog about how Grandma Dynamite must be off her meds again, after she channeled a high school cineaste’s myopic and uninformed understanding of the movie biz, writing “…the average $36 million it takes to market a movie nowadays…”

Senseless horse-shit she’s written about me aside? I don’t like bullies. I especially don’t care for women who seem to hate other women. Rather than celebrate her own gender when other women crack the glass ceiling of power in Hollywood and succeed in her business, like a fading southern belle bitter that others may find happiness where she cannot, she attacks. She’s written unflatteringly about colleagues Sharon Waxman and Kim Masters – a pair of frankly better, more well-liked industry wags.

I guess she was feeling left out of our discussion and needed to weigh in. Kali Maa and her site haven’t written much about Red State – even though (love or hate the film) it’s one of the most interesting stories happening in the movie business this year. Red State broke a record and she didn’t cover it; Indiewire gets the “Toldja!” on that one. She could’ve written about how Red State sold out shows here and abroad, or simply how we did something different with the flick than all the studios and mini-majors she’s always wagging a finger at for overspending on the same old, regurgitated crap. Ignorance isn’t bliss; ignorance is Grandma Dynamite, all upset because she’s been left out of the story thus far.

Okay, Methuselah – you want in on the story? You’re in!


Long rumored to be a cat-lady shut-in, this Finke woman hasn’t been photographed in years. Here’s the only photo of her online, taken a decade or more ago…

Sorry – wrong pic. This is the most recent Nikki Finke photo online, taken ten years ago…

Here’s a New Yorker rendering of Finke, depicted as she might look currently, minus the alleged constant moo moo housecoat (cat included)…

What do you think this bloggin’ goblin (who once took a shot at my weight) look like? Go to town bringing to life the simple pen-and-ink or four color image of the unseen Hollywood Yeti that is Nikki Finke, and you might be selected for A FABULOUS GIVEAWAY!

SUBMIT YOUR DRAWINGS VIA EMAIL TO MY TWITTER ACCOUNT, HASH-TAGGED #FacesOfFinke . CUT-OFF IS FRIDAY AT MIDNIGHT. Please do not render anything violent or sexually suggestive: this is just a straight up portrait or what you think Finke looks like. Make sure you read up on your subject before you try to capture her essence in cartoonish form. The best images can expect heavy reTweeting.

The “What I Think Nikki Finke Must Look Like” lampoon drawing I dig the most, however, will be included at the end of a future SModimation! The artist will receive a trio of new SModCo Home Video releases: Red State from Lionsgate Home Video, and Too Fat for 40 and SModimations, from Shout Factory! Cap that off with a guest spot on one of our S.I.R. shows, where we’ll discuss your rendering, as well as what a crackpot Grandma Dynamite truly is. (Yo, SHARON! Come wrap with us one SMorning and tell us stories about working with Smeagol herself!)

Winners will be announced and projected on the giant screen at the KEVIN SMITH SHOUT PARTY! October 19th, at The Lovitz. Tickets available at

And just so the Mama-Fratelli-of-bloggers doesn’t completely waste my fucking time this morning, forgive me for plugging the shit out of Red State a little more…

You don’t have to be in Hollywood to see the flick on the big screen with a post-show Q&A: COME SEE US IN A THEATER NEAR YOU:

And after a sold out tour across England and Scotland, Red State opens in UK cinemas SEPTEMBER 30!

And after sold out shows in Edmonton, Calgary, Montreal and Toronto (close on Vancouver) during the Red State/Red Provinces tour, Phase 4 runs Red State in 37 theaters across Canada at 7pm, September 29th!

And, of course, Red State is available RIGHT NOW ON VIDEO-ON-DEMAND!